I'm a nerd.

The Best Warnings On Products; Ever.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping
(Gee, that’s the only time I have to fix my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On some Swann TV dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost
(But that’s just a suggestion, of course)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late; you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Seriously? Let’s experiment!)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn’t that save time? And whose body, exactly?)

On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine:
Do not drive or operate machinery.
(We could really do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we would keep the 5-year-olds off the fork lifts)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness
(One can only hope)

On Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(Hmmm, something must have gotten lost in the translation…)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(Yeah, as opposed to using it in outer space)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I’m really curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(I wonder who thought that one up)

On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garmet does not enable flight.
(Oh, go ahead! That’s right, destroying a universal childhood belief!)